Bridezilla

I don't think there will be any posts for a long time. Everything has gone standstill.

I am in full swing into my work and have totally lost my enthusiasm for the upcoming wedding ever since we signed the packages.

Instead I find myself growing increasingly agitated and fearful about the huge dollar signs floating everywhere I look ever since it finally sunk in that our financial situation is alarmingly precarious ever since Mel got his degree offer. I keep checking my bank account to make sure I have enough for the next gown deposit.

I am also starting to get irritated by shrieking colleagues when they find out that I am getting married despite being barely 23 when my wedding day draws near. I am very sick of defending myself. I have decided to let them draw their own conclusions from now on and just throw them a 'smile' and say 'yeap.' I should not care about their response but I cannot deny that it alarms and frustrates me at times that I never ever get the usual congratulatory messages unless the other party is a wedding coordinator of sorts.

We went wedding ring shopping the other day and I was alarmed that I was looking for discounted rings. I almost bought one ring that was rose gold and littered with diamonds because it was on 50% discount. I am glad I did not buy it on impulse because on second thought it looks a lot like costume jewelry. I have totally lost my wish to purchase wedding rings. Mel says he is very content on his promise ring and intends to reuse and that wedding rings are just a keepsake it does not matter what the ring looks like its the marriage that counts.

I will keep this ring purchase shelved until December when I get my bonus. Maybe I will rather save up that precious bit of money for hidden costs during the wedding day.

My mum commented today that its July 1st today and I have only 9 months more to go before its my big day. I just replied 'oh.'

My lack of excitement does not mean I am not looking forward to it. Its just that its going to be a standstill until the gowns are ready for choosing and my braces come off for the photoshoot.

It won't be until October before my braces come off.

And anyway I am too busy with work to plan anything else.

I suppose this breather from the preparation will do us some good. Or at least, me.

Maybe when Mel goes back to his further studies he'll continue this blog but I won't give any credit to that prediction at all.

I may sound like a very unhappy and jaded bride-to-be but I am still a very contented woman.

I just think that at this stage of the wedding planning its like staring at the sea at midnight not being able to see the horizon even though you know its there and just emotionlessly waiting for the sunrise before joy can finally infuse your spirit.

So to whoever reads this dead blog, I am turning into Bridezilla from Hell.